One is Not Enough

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The basic number of points or miles you earn on any given card is one lousy point per one lousy dollar spent. I mean, it’s better than getting rocks in your mailbox, but can’t you do better? The answer is, how would I know? I’m not you. I barely even care. But I still have opinions, and you know what they say about opinions. Continue reading

5% discount for every Amazon purchase. Who knew?

Are you an Amazon Prime member? Why the fuck not? Do you not buy shit on Amazon? Do you prefer to go to those old fashioned “stores” where “goods” are stored on “shelves”? Don’t you want instant gratification? Aren’t you entitled to it? If you live in New York, you can have shit delivered the SAME DAY, for free. You can even use the Prime Now app and have shit mysteriously delivered in ONE HOUR. An hour! An hour. And then of course there are all those TV shows you need Prime for, like…uh…you know, those shows.

Anyway, if you don’t get why you need Prime, I probably can’t help you, and this post is not for you. Enjoy your human interaction with your cashier and fellow shoppers. But for those of us who do have Prime, everything could be costing 5% less than it does, for pretty damn close to zero effort. Who knew? Continue reading

Airlifting You Out of the North Pole After You Get Mauled By a Polar Bear

Motherfucker, shit goes wrong. You’re in the wrong place, at the wrong time, and all of a sudden one of your internal organs are no longer entirely internal, or one of the bones you use for walking is in two pieces, or you are on the inside looking out at an avalanche, and you’re like, who the fuck is going to get me out of here? And when they do, who’s gonna pay for it? I’m in Fuckknowswhere, World. Continue reading

What the fuck can you do with Amex Membership Rewards?

You probably know that I think Chase Ultimate Rewards make me feel all tingly, and I think Amex Membership Rewards are ugly and foul. But, to be fair, they’re not entirely stupid for international travel. Continue reading

Having it Both Ways

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In the spirit of buying into The System just about as much as I can while archly posturing as being somehow above it, I offer to you Gang of Four’s splendid 1981 funk-bass screed against credit cards, Capital (It Fails Us Now):

This is the story of my struggle.

The moment I was born, I opened my eyes.
I reached out…for my credit card.
Oh no! I left it in my other suit!

Continue reading