My personal heroes

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People are the greatest. Do you know why I say that? Because just when I have completely given up hope, someone comes along and restores my faith in humanity. Specifically, I found a couple of reviews of the Chase branch at 835 Broadway, on Google Local and Yelp, that deserve to be immortalized. Please allow me to share:

First up, we have Julian Benz, on Google Local: For the first time in my illustrious career I finally found a great bank with great staff but the most important thing is that they have this hot girl working there. Shez bangin hot”

I could not agree more with Julian about what is important, and I’ll be sure to be visiting this branch on his recommendation.

And there is also a review of the same branch, by Kevin O., on Yelp: “Try cleaning your fuckin ATM screens ya dirty fucks. Not like ya ain’t got enough money. You’ve had one screen so dirty I got sick from using it and the other with a squiggly screen for over 3 months. Fuck You chase! Cuz you DGAF about customers”

Kevin had evidently reconsidered his experience, as here is his original review: their ATM screens are dirtier than the port authority men’s room. I think I got ebola from my transaction. get a fuckin clue chase! we gotta touch these and a gazillion other people who touched their dick ,picker [sic] their nose and touched every door know [sic] in lower manhattan touched these. dip into your deep wallet and buy some screen wipes

This is useful consumer information, and I hope Kevin’s loved ones give him Purell for the holidays.

That’s just in glancing at reviews for one branch! Imagine how many other hidden treasures are buried in the reviews of other branches. If you find a gem, please share it below.

Keep your eyes open, because unheralded geniuses are all around us. Thanks, Julian and Kevin, for brightening my day.

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